Oh Mary! Queens Invade the Pines
Volume 49, Issue 5
By Mike Lavers

Sequined gowns, scandalous nurse uniforms, over-the-top hair a la Aqua Net and even a 3-inch high, 1,800 karat wedding ring held together with duct tape were among the fashions du jour at the 30th annual Invasion of the Fire Island Pines on July 4. Thousands of local residents and visitors alike packed downtown Cherry Grove for this annual right of passage as Rose Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe, Cher, Cruella DeVille, Elizabeth Taylor, Liza Minelli, the Hooters Girls and even Runaway Bride Jennifer Wilbanks sacheted their way up to the Ice Palace to take part in the pre-Invasion pageantry before boarding the ferry to the Pines.

Once in the Pines, the one-and-only Robin Byrd joined Kevin Aviance and thousands of others who packed the harbor front to enthusiastically greet the invading boaters. They were introduced by Panzi, who started it all when the late John Whyte refused to serve her in drag at his bar in 1975.

They were all too ready to strut their stuff on the red carpet but some, such as Kennedy, saw the Invasion (and the promise of a free drink at Sip n’ Twirl) as nothing more than an addition to her busy social calendar. She was mourning the passing of her daughter Rosemary earlier this year but added that she felt right at home in the Pines as she would have felt at either of her Hyannis or Palm Beach estates.

“More or less, I am going to the Pines to have a cocktail,” she said at the Ice Palace with her friend, Lotta Cox from Dix Hills. “It is just a formal affair.”

The sisters of St. Pedophilia were also on hand to invade the Pines but their message was in stark contrast to the refinement and sophistication of Camelot. Luisa Verde told The News that she and her fellow coeds only wanted to highlight the “injustices” of the Roman Catholic Church over the years.

“The Catholic Church continues closing schools and paying off kids for their crimes of passion,” she said.

Saffronella, a self-described goddess of the Gates, had a much less political agenda on mind as she outlined her plans for the day.

“My duty is to inspire truth, goodness and beauty and to let the foliage grow back in the Rambles so we can f--- in private again,” she said as she showed off a saffron-colored gown inspired by Cristo and Jean-Claude’s Gates in Central Park.

Wilbanks, who was apparently rounded up in the notorious Meatrack between the Pines and the Grove after several days on the lamb, was all too quick to flash her 1,800 karat wedding ring after her hasty nuptials with John Mason at the Ice Palace. And in a brief interview with The News before making her debut, she explained why she decided to come back to her fiancé.

“If I am going to run away, I am going to run back because this is real,” Wilbanks said as she once again flashed her over-sized bling bling.

Yes Mary, the Invasion, which is the crown jewel of the Grove social season, went off without a hitch as the warm and sunny weather kept everyone’s hair and make-up in check (except for Cher of course whose quaff nearly became a casualty of the wind on the return trip to Cherry Grove). And long-time Invasion veterans, such as China, who boarded the boat for the 18th time this year, this over-the-top celebration simply defies explanation.

“It is something you can’t describe,” she said before making her grand entrance on the red carpet. “You got to see it!”

Panzi herself shared China’s sentiments as she delighted in the day’s events. And she even took time to thank her one-time nemesis for keeping this tradition alive.

“I’m sure he [Whyte] is looking down with a great smile,” Panzi confidently said. “He was a good sport about the whole thing.”