Fair Harbor Lights
By Jackie Haberfeld
and Laura Tichler

We told you back in May that if you didn’t send us your news, we would make up our own. Have we started doing it? You be the judges.

Supplanting whatever real news may otherwise have come first is, of course, the E. coli.-related water crisis that struck Fair Harbor (and most of the rest of Fire Island) this weekend. Only Saltaire, Ocean Beach and Seaview were unaffected. On Saturday morning, residents discovered that the water in Fair Harbor tested positive for E. coli. Undaunted, Fair Harborites lined up at the Firehouse to collect free water from the Suffolk County Water Authority. Michael Amitra, Bill Jacino and their crew from the Suffolk County Water Authority gave out water from 11am to 6 pm on Saturday and started again on Sunday morning. Water Authority employees also provided a tanker truck full of fresh water parked on Central near the pumping station and distributed fresh water to anyone with big jugs (however after receiving some complaints, they began giving water to everyone). Pioneer reported a rush on anything made of water. They sold out of both bottled water and ice by noon, having sold over a hundred cases of water. 148 more cases were expected to be delivered on Sunday morning. Patrick from The Dock ordered 1000 gallons of water to get through their busier-than-ever Saturday night. A couple of price-gouging six-year-olds were spotted selling crayon-decorated cups of "clean water" (of undetermined origin) for $6 each on the dock. And, the Fire Department responded to a very small fire which took quite a while to put out because they only had those little pint-size bottles of Poland Springs to work with. We’re saving our pennies for the "I survived the E. coli of 2006" t-shirts. Further E. coli-related news brings the arrest of Susan and Evan Sanyour for the offense of bathing their children. (They were released after they promised not to do it again.) The writers of this column avoided a similar fate by duct-taping their children’s mouths shut during their showers.

Bright sun, new and interesting vendors, good fellowship: it was another wonderful 4th of July Pine Walk Fair. Once again, Pat Adams had an excellent choice of food out in front of The Dock—the cheeseburgers coming out of the kitchen were mouth-watering. There are always many volunteers needed for the donation table in front of the firehouse. This year there was an abundance of new books, beautiful cotton beach dresses, note cards and journals, sudoku gifts and as much miscellaneous stuff as five large tables stretched out in a row could hold. Ira Bilowit was there, once again, for the entire day, selling, directing and meticulously keeping sales records. Among his many "sales assistants", in no particular order, were Jules Kornblau, Judy Bauduy, Claire Walsh, Lisa and Bill Cassara, Paula Silver, Nina and Ken Rothchild, Sally Nelson, Shelly Mazor and Bernard Schneider, Bob Pearlman, Sharon and Tom Kennedy (who also gave us an extremely valuable prize), Zoe and Joel Dictrow (of Saltaire, via Fair Harbor roots), Andy Lippman and Delana Barry, Bea Thornberg, Prudy Ferraro, Geri Sheridan, Erica Feder, Roberta Schoenfield, Judy Kern and Marilyn Graman. Ellen Russell had the good idea of doing a 50/50 raffle and we hope to expand it next year. And of course thanks to El Presidente Gene Levy, who schlepped, hung banners and signs, and always does yeoman work!

If there are any omissions, Helen Kornblau apologizes. She wants to thank everyone who took some time out of their July 4th weekend to participate in this annual community event. Please contact her with any ideas, constructive criticisms and potential donations for next year's fair.

But unlike reports from the Pine Walk Fair, let’s get back to some shadier news. A high-stakes poker game was discovered at the St. Pierre/Hillebrecht residence on Birch while the owners were away for ten days. Four shark-like women were huddled around a table, drinking heavily, and betting their shirts, literally. The ringleaders, identifying themselves as "Betty," age 89 and "Ann," 95, claimed that it was a harmless mah jongg game but our investigators thought differently. Their tiles were confiscated, and authorities took over the house.

Olivia d’Arcangelo of Bay Walk turned one this weekend. Her first birthday party was the social event of the weekend for the under two set. Olivia’s parents, Christina and Danny, were seen at the bay beach with sister, Natalie, teaching Olivia how to use her first surfboard. They waited for the ferry to come in so that Olivia could practice on some really big waves. Hang loose, Olivia, hand loose.

Anyone lucky enough to be on the Fair Harbor Yacht Club dock on Saturday afternoon was able to get a close look at the thresher shark caught 35 miles out in the ocean by members of the Yacht Club. Thresher sharks are on average 13 feet in length and are distinguished by extremely large caudal fin that makes up 50 percent of the body length.

Truth or fiction? Well, you just better keep the news coming or you may read something about yourself in the next column. Don’t forget out motto: all the news that fits, we print!